Resisting the Urge to Use “Blow Job” in the Title, and Failing.

You celebrate your way, I’ll celebrate mine.

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I wanted to loudly proclaim how much I dislike leaf blowers when a coworker mistakenly believed I’d be on his side of an innocent, “This is ridiculous!” comment.

He was watching a news report about the number of leaf blower complaints received by a police department in a place that had outlawed them. I agreed that it was ridiculous, but on the grounds that if leaf blowers are outlawed, why the hell are people still using them, generating the calls? His miscalculation was easy to make.

I like rakes. I’m a rake man. If I had a property in which to rake, I would own one. In the opinion of many people, that little “if” absolutely disqualifies me from commenting much further about property maintenance. Somehow not being a person who feels the need to remove an acre of leaves from anything leads many folks to ignore any protest I can produce when the method they use to do that very thing is loud, annoying, and as I pointed out to my coworker, smelly when accomplished with the typical two-stroke motor. It’s a version of the you-didn’t-vote-so-you-can’t-bitch argument and just as fallacious.

Happy Halloween everybody, and if you’re into mischief, there are plenty of two stroke motors that need a little sugar, plenty of enlarged hair dryers that need a good cord trimming.

 

100,000 Words

A milestone neither based on miles traveled nor made of stone.

The new book about all our travels back and forth across the country has reached this important (to me) point in its construction. Not that volume is representative of quality. Some facts:

  • In answer to the question, “How long does it take to write 100,000 words?” the answer is, “About this long.” It’s taken me roughly eight months.
  • 500 words per day, six days per week. It’s easier than I thought it would be. Very achievable for someone who didn’t think he had much to write.
  • 237kb of storage space used for the text file.
  • Created entirely with OpenOffice Writer.
  • The book features 8 of our moves so far. There are 4 more to go. For now. 1 move has occurred during creation of the book, so subject to change.
  • It’s over 75% written.

So I offer encouragement to anyone thinking of taking on a big project like this: don’t worry about selling it. It will be fun just to make it. One day you’ll have a printed copy for yourself, if nobody else, and it will have been fun to do.

Happy (belated) Solstice!

Trendsetting

Playing a Cattle Decapitation album backwards actually removes plastic from the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

The president keeps using #MAGA in his tweets. In the style of Satanists who inverted the cross and the scared parents who thought those same Satanists put messages into records played backwards (Remember that, kids?), I humbly submit a new pound-sign-letter-combination:

#AGAM

America is Great Already, Mister.

Substitutions can be made for the M, although my substitution is stymied by a semantic argument depending on whether you believe “mother” is one word, or only half of one.

Have a sane weekend!

Achievement Unlocked

Writers of the world, take heart!

Book Number Three has reached 50,000 words. I’m not announcing the title yet, because in a selfish, paranoid, tin-foil-hat kind of way I don’t want someone else to steal the title. It’s not that the title is really witty or amazingly unique, it’s that it fits the book so well that I can’t imagine it being called anything else.

For the writer geeks out there, I almost always have a title before I’ve written much of, or sometimes any of the book. The title is like my battle flag, and I keep that held up in front of me so I know which way to march. Or charge. Without a title, it doesn’t really feel like a thing. Your results may vary.

I feel like I’m nearly half-way through on one side or the other. I don’t just want to say that because 100,000 is a nice round number, or because that was my target. I just feel like we’re nearly halfway there, the book and I. This is the easy part, the writing. The hard part is the countless re-reads, re-writes, and edits that come next. We’re a bit of a way off that step, though.